I’ve had some real internal debates about the cause for natural selection. Only the fittest survive and the dumb die out. Maybe I don’t deserve to live.

But I returned to this blog at the behest of my husband who is desperate for me to take control of my diabetes. The past several months have been stressful as we still struggle with my daughter’s terminal illness. Stress is not good for blood sugar control. So I agreed to continue with this blog and record my actual blood sugar readings, daily food intake, exercise sessions and such in order to keep on track with all of the self-treatment options available.

Self-treatment is not the best choice, but it is the only choice for many diabetics who have no health insurance. I will take my glucose reading tomorrow morning and begin my self-treatment efforts all over again.

But it wasn’t always that way. When I was younger, moving felt great. My arms and legs loved to move whether it was dancing, swimming, playing games with friends, my mind and body felt invigorated to move hard enough to cause my lungs to breath in deeply. As I moved into adulthood and behind a desk, my lifestyle became more sedentary. My muscles weakened so when I did need to use them, it took a great deal of effort. What did I do? I avoided moving.

Through the years, there were short-lived stints of gym going, half-hearted attempts at jogging and walking. Nothing lasted. Taking care of kids forced me to move but now that they are grown, they too sit behind computers.  Now my back hurts, my bone creak, my neck is stiff.

My daughter has a genetic disorder and needs therapy in a pool. We’re signing up at a local gym where I’ll be forced to attend at least three times a week – for her sake. But I’m looking forward to it. I do not like the effects of disease and aging. I remember the feel-good feelings of moving I felt once upon a time. Can I reverse the damage? Maybe, maybe not. But if I don’t try something, the downward spiral is sure.

Exercise causes your muscles to burn glucose. It is vital for diabetics. Once my diabetic friend told me that she ate something rich and felt dizzy. Her glucose reading was over 500! She panicked. Instead of heading to the nearest ER where she could have been administered some insulin, she hopped onto her exercise bike and pedaled like crazy for 20 minutes. Her reading dropped immediately to the 300s. She drank water and pedaled until it lowered to the high 200s.

It is not good to use exercise as an way to counteract your poor food choices. But it is a great emergency tool for high glucose levels and a vital tool for daily glucose management.

As I type this, I have stomach pains and I fear I am too late to self-treat my diabetes. But without insurance at this time, I have no choice. It may be too late for me. Don’t let it be too late for you. Meanwhile, I’ll keep on with my efforts. It’s better than no doing anything at all. I will not go quietly into that good night. Even though I admit I was the one who turned out the lights in the first place.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080327091255.htm

http://www.diabeticdietnews.com/2008032730/Latest/Bitter-Melon-New-Treatment-In-Type-2-Diabetes.html

I have pureed fresh bitter melon, in the same manner I prepare fresh cactus petals, and imbibed a tablespoon. Instantly, it became clear how the melon got its name. Bitter and metallic-tasting, just a tablespoon was not palatable at all! I hurried downed a glass of water to wash away the taste. It took a while for me to get used to the gelatinous texture of cactus juice but the taste of bitter melon makes nopales, by comparison, refreshing!

The Chinese peel, seed and chop the bitter melon and saute it with beef, onion, garlic and other spices. It is a popular dish. I don’t know if cooking the bitter melon counteracts the diabetic properties, but surely it must subdue the bitterness.

A few hours after I drank the bitter melon, I got a slight stomach ache. I stopped taking fresh, uncooked bitter melon. Next, I’ll try to saute some Chinese-style (sans the beef). And, I also found some bitter melon extract supplements. They still could cause stomach upset if the dosage is too high. I plan to take one after lunch and dinner. If my morning glucose reading is still high, I’ll take one after breakfast, too.

Meanwhile, I sip bitter melon tea. It tastes mild and could have some diabetic benefits as well. I will report my readings after a week of adding bitter melon to my daily diet.

My afternoon headaches and back pains remind me daily how severe my problem is. I’m trying to find a way to get to a doctor soon. Meanwhile, I’m continuing to add new self-treatment tools each week. So far:

Self-treatment tool #1:  Cactus juice

Self-treatment tool #2:  Timing

Self-treatment tool #3:  Water

This week, I’ll include something that has been clinically proven to lower blood glucose levels naturally. It has been used medicinally and culinarily from ancient China to today: bitter melon.

Unfortunately, when I went on vacation so did my efforts to control my diabetes. The road to hell is flanked by the iconic Vegas all-you-can-eat buffet. Eating – overeating – at odd hours of the day and night put my body in warp speed toward kidney failure. I chose very tiny servings of starch but with all the variety of foods, my plate piled high with plenty of fatty and high-carb choices even though there were lots of vegetables on there as well.

Later, I ran into a cousin of mine who told me about his brother who died from stomach cancer. There were few early symptoms, save for a slight abdominal discomfort (which I am experiencing) and I couldn’t help but feel that running into him was no coincidence.  After my cousin was diagnosed, he died four months later. I may not have a lot of time left. I made a vow to scrape up the money to see a doctor for a check- up.

Meanwhile, I went home to do more research about kidney, liver, pancreas, and gallbladder health. Turns out the best thing for me to do in this emergency situation is to go on a low-protein, no sugar and no complex carbohydrate diet. If I am serious about saving myself and reversing this diabetes and possible liver/kidney/pancreas damage, I can’t be slow or subtle. I am too far gone. It must be a drastic change in my diet and lifestyle.

Can I become a vegan? I’ve always wanted to become vegan for ethical purposes. Perhaps doing so will save my life.

The dull, passing aches are in my kidneys, my upper right hand region of my stomach and my back. The flatulence is incessant, no matter what I eat. While I was on vacation, I forgot all about my diabetes and I didn’t want to think about my health problems. But diabetes didn’t go on vacation. Damage to my body continued with every meal.

Back home tonight, my family wants pizza. I always dump out my refrigerator before a vacation so there is nothing fresh and edible in my kitchen. What should I do? Order a salad. Resist the pizza. Strange, right now the pains make it easier to do so. I just hope it’s not too late.

Yesterday was my daughter’s birthday and she requested my famous ice cream pie. It’s incredible! Made with homemade hot fudge sauce, three ice cream flavors, a layer of toasted oats and almonds baked with brown sugar and butter, homemade whipped cream, maraschino cherries and a graham cracker crust! It is a family legend! How could I not taste just a few bites on her 21st birthday? I did.

Perhaps the key to living with diabetes is not to declare any foods forbidden. But living with diabetes isn’t like living with a weight management diet. Sugar to a diabetes triggers such an adverse reaction that it should be considered more like a food allergy. A serious food allergy. Or like an addiction. Can an addict enjoy just a little hit of his forbidden drug?

My food journal here has not been full. There have been some omissions, due to my embarrassment. I was too embarrassed to admit that I had an ice cream bar or a brownie. I knew I should include those indulgements here but I didn’t want to tell you.

This blog is not to “tell” anyone how to manage their diabetes but to share with you what I’ve learned and what I have or haven’t implemented with success. It is for me, to keep me focused on better care. I am dangerously close to serious life-threatening effects. I need this.

This morning, I had a bowl of cereal with skim milk and a bit of Splenda. Unfortunately, I should have skipped the Splenda all together to lessen the demand for processing artifical substances on my liver. And the cereal was Rice Chex. High carbohydrates, low in fiber. Poor choice. But I can’t bring myself to throw out the poor choices because I feel it is wasteful. That is like a drug addict saying, “Hey, I can’t waste this good crack! I’ll just take it before I quit for good.” Stupid, stupid me.

Water is an important tool for health maintenance whether or not you have diabetes.  Some people have come to manipulate their blood glucose readings by simply drinking a lot of water. One man boasted that he could “eat anything” as long as he drank liters of water to bring down his sugar level.  This is a very bad idea.

While drinking lots of water is good for your health and it can bring down high glucose readings, it is not recommended as the sole tool for managing diabetes because drinking too much water puts a strain on your kidneys.  Drinking a lot of water all at once also can cause water intoxication, electrolyte imbalance and cell damage.  You’ll waterlog your cells and dilute the sodium content of your body. Instead spread out the recommended water intake of about 8 12-ounce glasses a day over the course of your day to keep well hydrated and to allow your body systems to function properly.  Drink more if the weather is hot or if you’re expending a lot of energy and sweat. Drink more if you’re thirsty. Healthy human kidneys can process safely 15 liters of water a day but it is critical not to drink all of it at the same time.

For emergency situations when you need to bring down your high glucose level, drink two or three glasses - not liters – of water and then do some walking or other form of exercise to burn off the sugar.  And it is best not to consume anything that raises your glucose levels to begin with.

—–What I actually did:

I do drink plenty of water. I love water.  When I notice that my blood sugar levels are rising, I drink a glass of water. Because I know my kidneys are compromised already, I have begun to stay away from artificial sweeteners, alcohol and unnecessary medications like acetominephan. Anything that requires more work of my kidneys and liver. To keep your liver and kidneys healthy, it is good to stay away from chemical cleaners, pesticides and other toxins your body will need to filter out, too.

If not for modern medicine, I would have died off long ago.  I wonder if I should have. I am not a brilliant genius with something to add to humanity. I have no superior skills.  I am unremarkable in every way. And now, even this blog is showing that despite the excellent knowledge and research available to me regarding self-treatment of my out-of-control diabetes, I find it hard to break free of unproductive habits.  My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.

Do I deserve to live? I do not want to live to be a burden to my family or a drain on society. I once endeavored to be the opposite. A help to my family and a benefit to society. But this disease and my lack of character to overcome it frustrates me to no end.

And yet, I think that if the human race were bred with only perfect physical and mental traits, and there were no inferior humans, then other equally important human characteristics would genetically become extinct. Compassion and empathy, for starters.

I’m sorry for my weakness. Stronger people chide me for giving into negative impulses. “Why do you eat that?” “Why don’t you just work out every day?” “Isn’t your life more important than eating?” All true and rightly said. But I still find it hard to adopt a new and healthful lifestyle. But I will. I will.

Last night, I told my husband that maybe Darwin was right that the weak should die off so we don’t weaken the human race. “I feel frustrated because although we’re not geniuses, we’re reasonably intelligent and educated people,” I said. “Why can’t we do the smart thing? Maybe we should just die off.” He said simply, “Then, let’s do the smart thing.”

So it’s time to be smart. Yesterday, I employed Self-treatment Tool #1, which was Cactus Petal Juice. I drink some in the morning and in the evening from now on. Today, I used Self-treatment Tool #2: Timing. I am eating mini-meals at regular intervals. So the brownie was a bad choice but I timed it in place of the afternoon mini-meal instead of tacking it onto an already calorie-laden meal. The sugar rush did not feel good but it could have been worse.

All of my meals will be half the portion size or smaller and at regular intervals: 6 am, 9 am.12 pm, 3 pm, and 6 pm. Nine pm, if I feel an absolute need to eat something light for dessert, but it will be a low-sugar choice such as nuts or dairy.

See? I can evolve.

Erratic blood sugars accrue damage from all three scenarios. On the road to these dire stages, you’ll experience a slew of life-limiting effects that include fatigue, headaches, mood swings, and general unwellness. Frequent and slow-healing colds and infections. Blurry vision or fluctuating acuity. Pains in the torso region due to kidney, liver and pancreas problems.

The key to leveling out blood sugars is to not put an arduous demand upon your organs to produce enormous amounts of insulin all at once. This is why diabetics should not “save up”  or “bank” their calories the way dieters often do to keep their daily calories within a targeted range when they want to splurge at a party. Diabetics need to keep their food intake small and steady.

Timing is a tool

Think of meal timing as a way to reduce the strain on your body. When you eat a lot of food at one sitting, your body must struggle to produce or use insulin. Your body’s ability to do so is already compromised by diabetes. It can’t do the work.

A diabetic should eat the same amounts of food (small amounts, by the way!) at every meal, and meals should be spread out over the course of the day at regular intervals.

——-What I actually did:

After yesterday’s public humiliation of my horrible diet, I found myself hesitating before reaching for food. I usually do not like oatmeal or cereals, preferring fried eggs and toast (with ketchup!) Or fruit and toast. But my morning readings are so high that it would help if I skipped breakfast. But skipping altogether is not nutritionally sound so I decided to drink my morning dose of cactus juice (made from fresh nopales or cactus petals), take a fish oil capsule and sip some bitter melon tea. (More news about how omega-3s and bitter melon aid blood sugar regulation to come.” Then I had a mid-morning snack of a fresh fig from my sweet Italian neighbor’s backyard tree.

I nearly grabbed a Ritz cracker until I realized that I would be logging onto this blog! Knowing that my food intake would be so public, I sheepishly complied with my self-treatment plan.  I drank nopales juice and sipped bitter melon tea.

My friend and I plan to meet at a Panera Bread restaurant for lunch. Ahead of time, I know I must select mostly vegetables and low-fat protein (skip the bread, which is really a feat at a Panera Bread Bakery and Restaurant!) and eat only half. I’ll bring home the rest for an afternoon mini-meal. I’ll update to tell you if I did it.

Well, I opted for the “Pick Two Lunch” with lunch-size portions of a Thai Chicken Salad, a cup of tomato soup with a fresh apple. And water I brought from home in a BPA-free reusuable container. But after a few hours of aggravating traffic on the way home, I popped into my mouth the first edible thing I see, which happened to be a freshly baked brownie (my daughter’s a skillful baker). My mind did a quick back-and-forth debate over it. I know it was not good for me, but the temptation was strong.

The other week, I met a woman who told me her diabetic husband views any type of sugar as a “sin” which keeps him from being tempted. Perhaps I could benefit from the same line of thinking, although to be honest, I tend to feel constrained by rules and tend to break them on purpose. With roots in the Hawaiian Islands where cane sugar was plentiful, I loved to chew on freshly hacked sugar canes. Processed sugar could in no way be a “sin” to me. I ate it in everything from sushi and teriyaki sauce to chiffon cakes and guava jam.

But now, a headache is coming on. Although an afternoon mini-meal or snack is a good thing, choosing a sugar-laden brownie clearly is not a sensible choice. I’m heading to the kitchen to down a few glasses of water in an attempt to bring down my blood sugar. It would be even more efficacious if I followed that with some brisk walking or calesthenics (any exercise) but it is very hot here and with the malaise slowly clouding my head, it is hard to feel motivated to do the right thing. ugh. Stupid me.

For centuries, Mexican Indian tribes have known about the therapeutic benefits of cactus. Prickly pear cactus (opuntia ficus indica) is a succulent fruit- and flower-bearing plant that grows wild in desert-like conditions. Long enjoyed as a food source, both the petals and pads of the cactus are eaten fresh or made into a variety of dishes including salads, soups, jellies and candies. Indigenous peoples also value cactus petals, or nopales, for its many medicinal and health benefits. Now clinical studies have shown that the alkaloids, vitamins and mucilage in the cactus petals can have the following effects, which supports centuries of anecdotal evidence:

 -lower HDL cholesterol levels

-stabilize or decrease blood sugar levels

-increase insulin sensitivity

-promote wound healing

-protect against ulcers

-anti-inflammatory effects for arthritis

-bolsters the immune system

-reduce effects of alcohol consumption

 Benefit For Diabetics

These promising health benefits are of particular interest to diabetics who struggle with insulin resistance and face serious damaging effects from high levels of sugar in their blood. The prickly pear pectin is a sticky, gelatinous substance that is rich in fiber which naturally slows down the digestion of carbohydrates.

 Although there are opuntia-containing dietary supplements in powder and pill form, fresh nopales provides demonstrable health improvements. Many people enjoy eating fresh nopales in dishes like salads and omelets but there is no evidence that shows if its effectiveness is compromised when the cactus is cooked.

The following recipe for fresh cactus petal juice should be taken twice a day. Two tablespoons in the morning and two tablespoons with the evening meal.

Fresh Cactus Juice (A Natural Food Supplement for Diabetics)

Prepared fresh nopales, without the prickly thorns, can be purchased at Hispanic food markets. Cactus comes either in whole pads or chopped into 1” slices and bagged. Choose the sliced “nopalitos” for convenience.

2 cups fresh nopalitos (chopped nopales/cactus pads)

1/2 cup fresh water

Place two cups of fresh nopalitos in a blender. Add ½ cup of fresh water and puree until smooth. Pour into ice cube trays and freeze. Take out the cubes and store in an air-tight bag or container. To use, thaw one or two nopalitos cubes in the refrigerator. Drink two tablespoons in the morning and two tablespoons with the evening meal.

 *Do not stop your regular diabetes medication regimen while taking cactus juice. However, do continue to monitor your blood sugar levels and inform your doctor of any changes. If you’re not seeing a doctor or testing your blood sugar on a regular basis, you safely can consume nopales in any amount as long as you’re not taking blood sugar lowering medication.

I highly encourage you to take cactus petals as part of your daily diet (fresh or in pill form) to naturally regulate your blood sugar levels.

——-What I really did:

This morning, I did drink the requisite two tablespoons of cactus juice that I defrosted from the frozen cubes I made earlier. I’ve gotten used to the taste. At first, the flavor and texture made me queasy but I got used to it. It helps greatly to add more water and then freeze it. Thin and cold is more palatable.

Unfortunately, I also ate 3/4 cup of white rice at breakfast with two fried eggs, ketchup and soy sauce (I’m from Hawaii and we eat eggs that way!) The rice was leftover from a family get-together the night before and I didn’t want to waste it. Oh, and I also ate two sweet, pickled scallions with this. The rice, ketchup and onions: boo. The eggs: yea. Three boos and one yea for breakfast.

For lunch, we went to Arby’s. I ate a regular Arby’s Roast Beef sandwich. NO FRIES. Yea! Instead, we split a small salad as the side. Yea! Uh, okay…and I’ll admit I ate two jalapeno poppers (stuffed with cream cheese, breaded and fried) Boo. But I skipped sodas and had some ice cold water that I brought along. Yea! Three yeas and one boo. Getting better.

Now, this is getting just plain embarrassing. For all the research and newfound knowledge, my actual diet is dismal. I need to get better prepared for healthful cooking and eating. For dinner, we threw together some leftover appetizers: the small amounts of shrimp ceviche,  homemade bean dip and homegrown cherry tomatoes were good choices. But I decided that wasn’t enough for my family so I threw onto the tray what was left of the onion dip and crab pate with crackers, potato chips and Fritos. And because my husband was watching a ballgame and felt the need for hot dogs, I made a small batch of homemade corn dogs. Oh, but it gets worse. Having run out of vegetable oil, I resorted to frying in butter-flavored Crisco shortening. And then, I drank some root beer.

The only good news was that the portions I ate were very small, but I still felt fatigued from the carbs. Not a good start. So far, the only “self treatment” I’ve managed is talk. bleh.